Friday, 15 July 2016

Cracking up

You're so far that when you fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Friday, 24 June 2016

Lake superior

You're so fat, when you decided to get a water bed, you bought bedding for Lake Superior.

Tuesday, 21 June 2016


You buy your dresses at the tent store!

Friday, 17 June 2016


Last time I saw a belly like that, I was given a stocking full of presents.

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Get off me!

When you step on the scale it begs you to GET OFF!

One size fits...

You are the reason they changed one size fits all to one size fits most.

Monday, 13 June 2016


Did you go to space yesterday? Because I saw two moons
You're so fat you fill the bathtub before you even turn on the water.

Sunday, 12 June 2016


I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.

Saturday, 11 June 2016

Yeast infection

Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.