Thursday, 3 November 2011

Anorexia

Hello, I see you have beaten anorexia then

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Calories

I decided to burn some calories today, set a fat kid on fire.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Threesome

Ben & Jerry: the two unfortunate buggers who complete a fat girl's threesome.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Inuit

They say the Inuit Eskimos have over 100 words for snow. Thats **** all, I've just had a look on match.com and women have well over 1000 words for fat.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Patronus

Is your patronus a cake?

Mcdonalds

Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk but McDonald's continue serving the fatties? It's hardly fair.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Fat Girl

Nobody wants a fat girl, and your dad doesn't want to be the one stuck paying your hospital bills when you're so big you can't move.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Distraction

Distracting fat people is easy... it's a piece of cake.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Donut Holes

I throw donut holes at fat people.

Monday, 10 October 2011

Karma

Karmas a bitch, but you didn't have to eat her and her whole family. Damn!

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Kidnap

Fat people are hard to kidnap.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Did You Say Something?

Did you just say something, or was it sucked back in because of your gravitional field?

Friday, 7 October 2011

One At A Time

You stepped on a talking scale and it said "One at a time"

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Talking And Walking

Well hey! At least my ass doesn't talk when I walk!

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Elvis

You're so fat, Elvis would revive and sing you a donut song

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Hey Fatty Fatty

Hey Fatty-Fat-Fat. Who's a big fat man. Yeeeees, you are.

Monday, 3 October 2011

Jumping

Better not do that again! I'm surprised you didnt break through the floor!

Family Guy

This one is from family guy :) Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back. Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams. Guard: Lift up your shirt, son. Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult! Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso. Chris: Thanks.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Baby

How far along is your baby?

Hospital Bills

I don't wanna have to pay your hospital bills...

C Cup

Are those C cups?

Floor

Be careful where you step. This floor may break.

Lift it up...

Lift up your chin... No the other one!

Sugar Coat

Don't sugar coat the truth, or you might eat it.

Pig

Sorry, I don't speak pig.

Iron

Does your mum iron your clothes on the driveway?

Baptised

Were you baptised at waterworld, or in the sea?

Oink

Your first word was "Oink"

Wide Load

Excuse me, where is your "Wide Load" sticker?

Orbit

I can't escape the gravitational pull!

Sainsburys

When you diet, Sainsburys goes bankrupt!

Birthday

Were you born on July the 12th, 13th and the 14th?

Creases

Can I rent out a crease please?

Birthday

Every time you spin round it's your birthday!

Sizes

Your mums jealous because here boobs aren't as big as yours!

Pool

When you jump in the swimming pool, the water jumps out.

Sun

God, stop blocking out the sun!

Free Willy

Run around them screaming "FREE WILLY!"

Chins

You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

Taxi

When you wear a yellow coat people yell "TAXI!"

Your Mum

  • Your Mum SUCKS in bed!
  • Why?
  • She gave birth to you.

Illegal Aliens

Do you rent out your creases to illegal aliens?

Visible From Space

Congratulate him for being the only person visible from space.

Zip Code

Do you have your own ZIP code?

Cafeteria

When he walks into the lunch hall, yell "RUN! HE'LL EAT US ALL!

Horizontally Challenged

"What can I do for you my horizontally challenged friend?"