Bear

The last time you went camping, you were mistaken for a bear!

WWW

You don't need the internet to be world-wide.

Cracking up

You're so far that when you fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Lake superior

You're so fat, when you decided to get a water bed, you bought bedding for Lake Superior.

Tent

You buy your dresses at the tent store!

SANTA?!!?

Last time I saw a belly like that, I was given a stocking full of presents.

Get off me!

When you step on the scale it begs you to GET OFF!

One size fits...

You are the reason they changed one size fits all to one size fits most.

Moon

Did you go to space yesterday? Because I saw two moons

You're so fat you fill the bathtub before you even turn on the water.

Twinkies

I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.

Yeast infection

Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.

A good place to eat

Have you ever walked up to a really fat person, and asked them for a good place to eat? Then when they look at you and say they don't know, you look at them, like, "You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we're going to be eating."

When a husband is honest

A wife asked her husband, "Honey, will you still love me when I am old and overweight?" The man replied, "Yes, I do."

Sleeping disorder

A young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. "I am so obsessed with my mother... As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up insuch a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast." The psychiatrist replies: "What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?"

Hot air balloon

Do you remember the time you got in a hot air balloon? You probably don't, it was very short lived.

Greyhound

You're so fat, you use two greyhound buses as rollerblades.

Lowering suspension

There's no need to lower my suspension when you're around.

Group discounts

One possible benefit of you being fat: You're eligible for group discounts!

Elevator

When you get in an elevator it HAS to go down!

Conclusion

You're so fat you couldn't even jump to a conclusion!

Family Guy Fat Person Insult

Lifeguard: Sir, you can't park your van on the diving board. Peter: That's not a van, that's my son.

Cruel fat person joke

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor. "How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?", he asked. Quickly, the Doctor replied, "That would be easy. Cut your head off."

South Park Fat People Insult

Kyle: "You're such a big fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people stop and say 'God DAMN! That's a big fat ass!'"

Fifty pounds of crack

Did you get arrested at the airport for drug smuggling? It seems you bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack.

Jewish Fat People Insult

Basically a guy had this really large, ugly woman coming onto him at a party, and towards the end of the night, she got really annoyed, and just came up to him, "Look, do you want to eat me out or not?" His reply: "Sorry, but I'm jewish. I'm not allowed to eat pig."

Photo insult

I'm sorry, but if you want me to take your photo, I'm gonna have to charge for a family sitting.

High heels

If you left the house in flip flops, you'd come back wearing high heels!

Belly button

Yo mama is so fat, they sent out a search party to find her belly button.